Today I have being studying healing from rejection. EVERY PERSON ALIVE has been a victom of rejection or a severe womb. I want to share some steps that have helped me get over this place of hurt and move toward a brighter future for myself. Here is an article I read AND IT HELPED ME! (I put my thoughts in bold... enjoy!)
1. Acknowledge the rejection: They say awareness is the first step in any type of healing. If you don't acknowledge that the person rejected you, you can't get healed. Write it down in a journal, and be specific. Don't sugarcoat what they did, and what you did. Be honest. Its hard to sometimes admit what you have done, and what has been done to you. Don't worry about the other party. They may NEVER be able to see the part they played, but you have to be able to deal with yourself and what you have done. I focused on the root of my rejection. For me, it was a need of approval and acceptance. Some may read this and say "Kim... what? she needs acceptance, everyone loves her".... but I want you to know that I got this deep down into my thinking, and I felt I would never recover. Ok... here is a practical example consider children who ask why their parents gave them away; they see it as their fault or believe they are "defective" in some way. It does not matter how many times they are told otherwise, because the said it all with their action. This is where I was stuck. I have love ALL around me, I totally am blessed. Yet there were literally 2 people in my life so far that really COUNTED and meant everything to me and thru their actions it spoke loudly that I didn't matter or was "defective"... there was nothing I could do to make them accept me.
2. Forgive them: Don't balk at that one. It does not mean they were right. It means you are free of their power to influence you. When you hold unforgiveneness, it keeps you as their prisoner. You are actually giving them control of you. By forgiving, they become powerless. I look at this more spiritually as well. When you forgive, you accept the love and forgiveness of Christ in your life and this free's you. It is true, when you forgive that person what they think or do doesn't affect you. Even if they "reject" you, you don't have a reaction to it... you are free. I realized I wasnt 100% free when I saw my sensitivity level was still super high when it came to the responses these people gave me. Seeing this about myself has helped me move forward in freedom.
3. Seek help: Some rejections are so horrific that you might need to talk to someone about it. There is nothing wrong with having a support system. In fact, it might be helpful. I made this mistake by talking to family and friends. Sometimes this is NOT the best thing to do. You need to speak to someone who doesnt have an "invested" interested in you or even a one sided view. Its ok to talk to a counselor or someone who can help YOU get better. Don't focus the conversation on the other party, but on you!
4. Surround yourself with people who support you: This seems obvious, but we all know people who go from one bad relationship to another. They think they deserve to be mistreated, undervalued, abused, or whatever, and bring people in their life to support that view, instead of what they really want. By surrounding yourself with people who want what's best for you, you lessen the likelihood of falling into or continuing a cycle. When you are getting over rejection it is MANDATORY that you feel accepted! Make it a focus to stay around people who you know love you and will nurture you back. Especially those who really understand your heart!!! This has been huge for me and my healing process!
5. Open heart to the possibility of love When you have been hurt, it is very easy to fall into trusting the wrong people with your heart. In a sense, it is from the desire to be accepted that people do that. On the other hand, some close themselves off and built walls so strong that no one can get in. It is a misguided defense mechanism, because while trying not to be hurt, that wall also keeps out love and healing. Your heart is not a trashcan. It is to be cherished. Cherish it by being open to the possibility of love. I have trusted the wrong people AND built walls. As I move past this hurt I see me! I love and value myself... instead of building walls I just create loving boundaries! Believe you me, I am so open to love.... and I know I will have it!!
6. Trust those who prove trustworthy: Not all people are worthy of our trust, so use wisdom. But, when a person has proven themselves to be trustworthy, acknowledge that and allow them in. How do they prove it? Their actions. Words are meaningless in this case, because too many know how to say what they need to in order to get what they want. But when you see it, you know it is real. Every person is different in how they show it, but some indicators are they don't betray you; betrayal in the sense that they don't put your business out in the street, use you for their own personal gain, or treat you in a way that devalues you. This is where I have always made big mistakes. I am the type that trusts everyone... WRONG! lolol... being raised in a great enviornment I didnt have to have many "walls" up so I have always lived my life this way. Because of this I see the good in everyone... EVEN WHEN THE BAD IS MORE OBVIOUS... I am learning that trust is built. I trusted people who betrayed me. I went to them in confidence, but their loyalty was not to me, but to the other parties... I didnt use wisdom and it didn't work for my good. These same people have trusted me with information that I have not ever disclosed, but they went behind my back. Actions speak louder than words. I am learning that more and more. I will always honor someones request, especially if I gave them my word. I also see how I have betrayed those that I loved, but talking to people I trusted and when they opened their mouth, it caused those I loved to feel betrayed by me. Needless to say.... just keep everything to yourself! ;-)
7. Be willing to be healed: Again, another obvious suggestion, but also overlooked. Some people are really into their "story," or playing the "victim" that they don't want to be healed. They want to keep the pain, though they would tell you a thousand times that they don't. Well, actions speak volumes. If the first thing out of your mouth is how someone hurt you, you are stuck in your story. A drastic method might be to not tell your story for awhile. Let people get to know you. Another way of flipping from victim to victor is sharing your story when it can help someone else. By changing the way you share your story, it can empower you and heal you at the same time. I saw myself in this bigtime. I want to be healed but my hurt was always the "topic" of conversation.... I realize more that life and death are in the power of the tongue. I choose life... I choose to only speak life into the things that really matter. My healing, joy and good life are number one on the conversational priority list. I also realize that if someone doesn't "choose" me... its their loss!
Last thought, Mya Angelou said, "If someone shows you who they are believe them" I agree with this statement, but I also disagree. I believe this statement is absent of hope. Hope is a confident expectation and belief that is mixed with the power of love. Some people I believe with the right "hope" backing them will change. They will became better! I am determined to keep people around me who back me with hope.... The SKY is the limit!
I HOPE YOU ENJOYE THIS! I would love your feedback!
